Before the Worst
by HElizabethG
Summary: Post-S7 finale one-shot. MerDer.


****A/N: This is my attempt at fixing Meredith and Derek after that crap finale (because Shonda is incompetent and will ruin them). Definitely the worst of the whole series.****

And, seriously. The whole Meredith-and-Derek-breaking-up thing is so old.

WARNING: I'm a Derek sympathizer. I mean, I don't let him off the hook but, he does really get to speak his mind rather than Meredith just being in the right.

PS: Before the Worst is by the best band in the entire world. THE SCRIPT. (I have obsessive problems, I do not apologize).

XXX

The light of the phone switched off next to her as the reminisce of her last call faded. Her call history read the same name over and over, _Derek_. As the night grew later, the voicemails she left him became more and more desperate, begging him shamelessly to call her back. He was angry, she got that; she wasn't too happy with him herself but it wasn't about them. It was about Zola. Zola, the sweet, innocent girl they were taking into their homes, their lives, and their hearts. They'd finally got her and he wasn't there for her first night.

_I just need some time to think. I just need some space, _he'd muttered, walking out of the room as his pager beeped. Space and time were fine, he'd taken a lot of it during their relationship but she needed him and he wasn't there. Zola needed him and he wasn't there. As Zola wiggled in her arms, Meredith became more and more aware that she really didn't know what she was doing with a child. Derek had nieces and nephews and was raised by a caring, loving mother. He knew what he was doing. She was lost.

"We'll be fine Zola," she said unsurely, looking at the baby's face. "You and me." Zola's big, doe-like brown eyes stared up at her blankly, her head hanging back. Meredith smiled at the baby in her arms, leaning in to press a kiss to her soft, dark brown hair. "Let's get your ready for bed."

Meredith stared at the port-a-crib they'd gotten from the hospital; it belonged to a baby that was dead. She really didn't need any more bad omens in her life but it was there and until Derek started talking to her again and they could pick out new furniture, it's all she had.

She grabbed a diaper from the diaper bag and began changing Zola. The baby gave a whimper as the cool air bit her bottom. "It's okay. Shh." She rubbed Zola's stomach comfortingly before continuing to change her. Looking at her handy work, Meredith smiled and lifted the baby off her back into her arms. "See, Zola. I can do this, we're doing well." Zola looked up and smiled happily. "You agree? Good. Well, let's get you to bed."

Gently, Meredith laid her down in the port-a-crib but as soon as she retracted her hands from the baby's body, Zola started wailing. "Shh. Go to sleep," said Meredith, beginning to panic a little, not knowing how to soothe the baby. She started crooning the melody to Brahms's Lullaby but quickly forgot it. Instead she took to bouncing Zola and walking in circles, trying to quiet her. Zola continued to wail, tears streaming from her eyes. "Zola, please. Take pity on me," she begged.

Minutes later she heard stomping in the hall. "Derek?" she questioned hopefully. Her face fell quickly when the door opened to reveal Cristina.

"What the hell are you doing to that kid?" she questioned grumpily.

"Nothing. She just doesn't want to sleep."

"Well, get her to be quiet."

"I can't! I'm no good at this! This is Derek's thing! I have no idea what I'm doing," she cried.

"You need to calm down, first of all," said Cristina. "Babies can feel when you're stressed."

"I can't get calm because I can't do this. Derek was right."

"About what?"

Meredith sighed, continuing to bounce around. "That I'm going to be a bad mother."

"He said that?"

"Yeah."

"You know he says crap like that when he's angry. So calm the hell down and just focus on her because I swear I'm getting one hell of a headache."

"Then leave," snapped Meredith.

"I've got no where else to go."

"Then suck it up," she sighed, rocking Zola back and forth, trying to soothe her.

"Give her to me," said Cristina. Meredith eyed her skeptically before passing Zola to her. Cristina bounced her up and down, just like Meredith had been doing. "You, calm down, then I'll give her back to you."

She took deep breaths and tried to calm her frantically beating heart. Leaning forwards, she put her head between her knees, trying to regain normal breathing. Noticing the green pacifier on the bed, Cristina picked it up and stuck it in Zola's mouth. The little baby quickly spit it out and resumed crying. Slowly Meredith started to calm down and reached out to take Zola from Cristina. Cristina nodded at Meredith and bowed out of the room.

Zola's cries slowly decrescendoed to a soft whimper as she fell asleep. Ten minutes later, Meredith laid Zola in the port-a-crib and sighed in relief when she didn't start crying again. She stood by the crib, gently stroking Zola's head. "We did it," she whispered. "We're a good team, Zola."

After watching the baby sleep for a few more minutes Meredith changed into her pajamas and crawled into bed. Sleep did not grace her for hours as thoughts swarmed her mind like bees. They buzzed and changed, swarming from past fights and current musings. She thought of all his broken promises and vows.

_To love each other even when we hate each other._

_No running. Ever. __Nobody walks out no matter what happens._

Their post-it fell apart like sand slipping through their fingers. He broke their unofficial vows. He ran. He let the hate overrun his love. The way his dull, angry eyes had stared into her had broken her heart. There'd been no love, no caring, no positive feeling or emotion at all. That look nearly burned the image held in her head of him smiling his dreamy smile at her. Coupled with his harsh words it blazed through her, leaving burns and scars.

_So now I'm gonna be a bad mother. That's where we're going with this? _she'd said.

_You've been saying it for weeks. Maybe you're right._

The words poked at her heart, stabbing right through the tough muscle. He was supposed to be the one encouraging and supporting her. Instead, he used her insecurities to hurt her. Despite that, she wanted him home. She **needed** him home. Over their years together she'd realized that he said things he didn't mean when he was angry or jealous. And just as much as she wanted to hit him and kill him for what he said, she wanted to hug him and say she was sorry she hurt him.

_What did I do?_

XXX

Blue-orange light peeked through the curtains, casting a glow on Meredith's face as her eyes finally started to close. Her mind was quiet and she could finally sleep. Her lids felt heavy and started to droop. Just as she slipped out of consciousness, she heard a shrill cry coming from Zola's port-a-crib. Stifling a groan, she stood up and walked over to Zola's crib. She picked the baby up, cradling her gently in her arms. The cries subsided and Zola began looking at her playfully.

"Hi Zola," she smiled tiredly. "Let's get you some breakfast. You look hungry. I hear your tummy growling." Meredith rubbed her stomach lovingly and grinned at the little girl. "I see you looking around," she noted. "You're probably wondering why we're all alone. Your future daddy isn't here right now. I…well, I did something bad. But he should be here. Soon, he'll be here and we'll be a happy family."

She walked out of the room, checking the halls to see if anyone else was awake she heard rustling behind closed doors and figured everyone would be getting ready for work. Her feet padded down the stairs to the bottom. Peeking in the living room she noticed Cristina had left. She felt genuinely bad for her friend and wished she could help more but she had just as much, possibly more, on her plate. Looking down at Zola she smiled softly, kissing the top of the baby's head.

Seconds later she heard footsteps pounding down the old wooden stairs. Lexie caught up and stood along side her, showered and ready for work. "Oh my gosh! Is that Zola?" she gushed, forgetting about her pre-coffee state of exhaustion.

"Yeah," grinned Meredith. They walked into the kitchen. The plastic cover of the island stool squeaked in protest as Lexie sat on it. "Would you mind holding her? I don't have a high chair yet so, if you wouldn't mind, just until I get her formula ready."

"Of course I wouldn't mind!" exclaimed Lexie. "Hi Zola, I'm your Aunt Lexie," she crooned. As she bounced the baby up and down on her knee, her head moved over to Meredith who looked like she'd gotten no sleep. Purple bags hung under her eyes and her hair was a disheveled mess. " So, where's Derek?"

"He's…uh…he's not here," she stuttered. _Not even sure I have a husband._

"Is everything all right?" asked Lexie sweetly. I heard about the thing with the trial."

"Everything's fine." Meredith sighed, running a hand through her soft, blonde hair. "We're all…fine."

Lexie stared at her for a minute before answering. She knew the word _fine_ well. It was a Grey thing. Grey's were always _fine_. _Fine_ wasn't good. "Okay," she said skeptically.

"Seriously, Lexie," replied Meredith sternly. "Everything is okay."

"So, they gave you custody of Zola?" she changed the subject.

Meredith nodded as she walked towards Lexie, holding the bottle of formula in her hand. "The adoption is pending. Right now it's temporary."

Lexie smiled. "We'll that's still good."

"Yeah, the social worker is really hopeful." Meredith took the baby out of Lexie's arms and stuck the bottle of formula on her mouth. Zola's lips sucked hungrily at the bottle as she downed the formula.

"Well good, because I want to keep this adorable little thing forever and ever," sighed Lexie happily as she ran a loving hand over Zola's head.

Meredith smiled. "I'm glad she'll have a good aunt when her mom and dad are being unreasonable." Lexie grinned back, thinking of how far hers and Meredith's relationship had gone; from Meredith wanting nothing to do with her to calling her _Aunt _to her almost-daughter.

"Do you mind feeding her for a minute or two? I just have to make a call," asked Meredith.

"Sure. I don't mind at all." Handing Zola and the formula to Lexie, Meredith walked out of the room, grabbed her phone off the coffee table, and settled on a couch in the living room. As she sat her muscles sighed, feeling the comfort of the couch surround her. She searched though her contacts for the phone number she was looking for and pressed the green "send" button.

"Hello?" answered the female voice on the other line.

"Mrs. Shepherd?"

"Yes?"

"It's Meredith, your son's wife," she breathed nervously.

"Hello, Meredith," said Carolyn happily. "How is everything?"

"Derek and I got custody of a little girl, we're adopting her."

"That's wonderful! Is that the famous Zola? Derek called me the other day going on and on."

"That's her."

"I'll have to come and meet her soon," she said. "I'm so glad I'll get a fifteenth grandbaby."

"Yeah," she said, choking back a sob. She didn't even know what it was, but suddenly it hit her like a ton of bricks. She was alone. The love of her life was hurt and angry and she had no idea what she could do to fix them. Truthfully, she didn't know if she could.

"Meredith, what's wrong?"

She sniffled. "I-nothing."

"You sound like you're going to cry," accused Carolyn in a motherly tone.

"Derek's gone," she whispered.

"What do you mean?"

Running her fingers through her hair, she curled up into a little ball on the couch. "He's mad at me…I mean really mad. I did something at work. I don't think it was bad but he was really mad and told me he needed space and, now we have Zola and he doesn't know," she said, her voice sounding like she was going to start hyperventilate. "He won't answer his phone. And I didn't know who else to talk to."

"Tell me exactly what happened," said Carolyn.

Meredith went on to tell the older woman everything about the trial and Adele and Richard. "I get that he doesn't like what I did," she concluded. "And I deserves him being mad at me but…"

"He deserted you and didn't answer when you needed him," she filled in.

"Yeah."

I understand, Meredith. "I'm coming out there."

"What? No. you don't have to!" she exclaimed, not wanting to put the woman out. "You could just call him…"

"No, Meredith. It's not all right for my son to talk to you like that. I need to come smack some sense into him."

"I-"

"Don't bother arguing," she interrupted. "See you tomorrow."

"Thank you."

"Of course."

"And, I have a room here, so you can stay."

"That's very generous, thank you."

"You're the one that's flying across the country."

"Well, it's high time for a visit anyways. And I have a new little baby to meet. And, I know my son. He can get buried in his own thoughts and forget the important things. And, that boy has a mean temper. "

"Yeah," sighed Meredith, knowing all too well what temper Mrs. Shepherd was talking about.

_Who's next? Alex? 'Cause I hear he likes to sleep around. You two have that in common._

_There's no fixing you. You're a lemon._

She rested her head back on the couch and took a deep breath, trying to keep the painful memories down.

"His father used to say things he didn't mean," said Carolyn. "Derek got that from him. I loved him dearly but he had a temper. I didn't see it often but I did quite a few times during our relationship. You just got to slap him across the face—metaphorically of course—and turn him around. But, no child I raised should have ever questioned their partner's ability to raise a child. Well, unless the partner was clearly unfit, which you're not. And Derek knows it."

"You only met me for an hour. How do you know?" she questioned, needing some assurance from someone that she wouldn't mess a kid up like her mother messed her up.

"Because I've heard some of the awful things my son has done to you. He's thrown you around his fair share, and you seem to love him unconditionally. And I know you took such good care of him when he got shot. You're nurturing, loving, and caring. Exactly what a mother should be," smiled Carolyn.

"Thank you, Mrs. Shepherd," she whispered, truly touched by the older woman's kind words.

"Of course," she said. "Now, I'm going to hang up so I can book a flight."

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it," said Carolyn. "Don't worry, Meredith this will all be sorted out." With that, Mrs. Shepherd hung up. Her small body stretched out for a moment, taking a quiet second to compose herself. Cool air drafted around her from the air conditioner, cooling her frayed nerves enough for her to push herself back into the kitchen.

"Thanks, Lexie," she sighed, seeing her younger sister burping Zola.

"What are you going to do with Zola when you're at work?" she questioned randomly.

"Well, I'm suspended at the moment so she'll just be home with her," said Meredith offhandedly.

"What? Is it to do with the-"

"Yeah," she interrupted abruptly. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay."

"When I go back to work, I guess she'll go to daycare. But for now, it's me and her today," she said, smiling at the little girl.

"What are you two going to do today?" questioned Lexie sweetly as she passed Zola back to Meredith.

"I don't know. What do you do with a baby?" she asked frantically. "Oh god I have no idea what I'm doing!" Meredith collapsed into one of the kitchen chairs, cradling Zola in her arms. The little girl squirmed and looked around, her head hanging back.

"Take a walk, maybe go shopping for some of the stuff you need," answered Lexie calmly.

"Walk, shopping, right," she sighed, looking down at Zola.

Lexie paused, staring at her sister for a moment. "Meredith, where is Derek?"

"I don't know," she admitted quietly, sick of trying to put up the façade.

"What?"

"I don't know where he is," she groaned. "He doesn't have the trailer anymore and the new house is just a bunch of sticks."

"Is this because of the work thing?"

Meredith nodded slowly. "But I'm fixing everything…or getting help. Or I got help. Mrs. Shepherd is helping me."

"You called his mom. Is it that bad?" asked Lexie nervously.

Meredith bit her bottom lip momentarily, not wanting to get hysterical again. "She's gonna help me and it'll be okay," she said, trying to feign calm.

"You'll be okay today? If you want, I can call in sick."

"We'll be great. We're a team, right Zola?" she grinned at the baby in her arms. Zola gurgled and smiled sloppily at Meredith. "And your almost-grandma will be here tomorrow."

"Okay," Lexie said doubtfully. "Cristina was on our couch last night. Is everything all right with her and Owen? She was awake when I got home and that was pretty late."

"Not my story to tell," shrugged Meredith.

"Okay," she nodded, taking one last bite of an apple. The juice squirted and fell down her chin. Her hand rose to wipe it away as she finished chewing the sweet fruit. "Well I'm going to get going. See you later."

"Bye." Lexie walked out of the kitchen leaving Meredith alone with Zola and the butterflies in her stomach.

XXX

Hearing the shrill ring of the doorbell the next morning, Meredith scurried to the door, a small hope in her heart that she'd open the door and her husband would be standing on the porch. She pulled the door open but rather than her husband, it was his mother. "Meredith," the older, plump woman smiled sadly, grabbing her daughter-in-law to pull her in for a hug. Meredith said nothing but fell gratefully into the hug, needing comfort from someone who really understood the situation. Pulling apart, Mrs. Shepherd looked Meredith up and down. "How is everything? Has Derek called?" Meredith shook her head 'no'.

"I haven't heard a word from him and…I gave up calling. It was just making it hurt more."

Carolyn looked pitifully at her and nodded in understanding. "Okay, well I just wanted to leave my things and I'll talk to him."

"You don't want to sit?" she questioned feebly, secretly glad that Carolyn wanted to go so quickly.

"Meredith, I can tell, you need him here as soon as possible."

"I don't even know where he is," said Meredith miserably. Her husband was MIA, which was one of the biggest causes for the swirling sickness in her stomach. He could be hurt. He could have stumbled off the stupid cliff on their land next to the framework of their dream home. Or, he could have just left, never to return. It wouldn't be surprising. _Everyone_ left her at some point.

"That land of his, or yours, seems pretty special from what I've heard from him. I think he'd go there," suggested Carolyn.

"But there's nothing there. No trailer and our house is just the framework."

"Well, I'll check there, just to be sure. Then you can give me any other ideas you have. Bars, hotels, whatever. I'll find him for you, Meredith." She gulped her head falling down in utter depression. "Meredith? Is something else bothering you?"

"No. I'm…I'm fine."

"Okay, just know you can talk to me, girl to girl," she smiled, squeezing Meredith's bicep with a gentle, motherly hand.

"I can't thank you enough," said Meredith, choking back a sob. "For everything."

"Of course, anything you or Derek need, I'm here."

Before the conversation could continue a shrill baby's cry rang through the baby monitor sitting on the foyer table. "Is that my newest granddaughter?" questioned Carolyn excitedly.

"Well, she's not ours yet," said Meredith apprehensively. Derek was gone; Zola could easily be taken away from her as well.

"She will be, don't worry. Can I meet her?"

"Of course," said Meredith and led Carolyn up the creaky stairs of the old house. As they entered the nearly empty room Meredith was about to grab Zola out of her makeshift crib when Carolyn stopped her. "I've got her," she said, lifting the baby. "Hi Zola. I'm going to be your grandma. You're so pretty." She shook the baby up and down comfortingly, walking over to the empty bed to change her diaper at the little station Meredith had made up. "She is such a sweet little thing."

"I know," sighed Meredith. "Derek told me we should adopt her right after he first met her. He fell in love with her at first sight."

"I can see why." Carolyn pulled the pajama bottoms off Zola's chubby little legs, tickling her feet softly. "And what about you?"

"I was raised with about as much love as the blade of a knife," she said honestly, sinking into a chair in the corner. "I think it just took me a bit longer. But I want her. I couldn't get pregnant and well… she's just so cute." Meredith looked down at the innocent face with large, beautiful eyes, smiled and stroked her cheek with a single finger.

"It's okay. You didn't have the nine months to bond with her that you would have if she had been growing inside you. It's okay to need to get to know her," assured her, Carolyn. "Now, why don't I get her back in bed and you go get some rest. And while you do, I'll find Derek and everything will be okay." The older woman smiled lovingly at her daughter in law. Meredith couldn't help but smile back and nod. No one had ever been so motherly towards her and it sent a warming sensation through her veins.

"Thank you," she whispered, choking back a cry of relief.

"Of course, dear. Now get some rest. You look like you're dead on your feet."

XXX

The sky was bright and cheerful as Carolyn pulled her rental car up the long driveway to Derek and Meredith's expansive stretch of land. Though she understood Meredith was partially in the wrong, she couldn't see that girl run herself any further in the ground with grief and the overwhelming feeling of raising a baby when you don't know what to do. As Meredith had opened the door to her house, Carolyn had nearly gasped at the downtrodden state she'd been in. Old, torn yoga pants fell loosely down her legs and a Bowdin t-shirt, presumably Derek's, hung very loosely off her small form. Black bags hung from under her dull green eyes and red puffiness surrounded the front of the lids. Her blonde hair looked greasy as if she hadn't showered in a while.

She knew her son well enough to know that he saw things in black and white, right or wrong. She also knew that sometimes he needed a third party to pull him out of his own head. Stopping at the end of the driveway, before a hill, she got out of the car and started trekking though the grass and mud. Ahead of her she began the framework of a house appearing. As she neared she could see a sullen figure sitting on what looked like the ground floor of the house.

She walked over to the figure, immediately recognizing the perfect hair of her son. "Ma, what are you doing here?" questioned Derek in a confused tone as he noticed his mother approaching.

"What are_ you_ doing here, Derek?"

"This is my land."

"And your wife is back in your home. With your adorable little girl."

"Zola?" he asked. "She's there?" Suddenly the constant calls from Meredith made sense and he immediately regretted saying that she'd be a bad mother. It hadn't been true. He still thought she'd be a wonderful mother.

Carolyn sat beside her son, catching his eyes and pulling them into hers. "Derek, I've told you this before. You see things in black and white. Meredith doesn't. You have different perspectives on the same thing and it'll tear you apart if you don't let it make you stronger," she implored, resting a hand on her son's knee. He seemed partially unreceptive to what she was trying to get through to him. "Now, if you'd answer your phone, you'd know that they granted you temporary custody of that sweet little girl. Meredith needs you. You need her and that little girl, Derek." She looked at the floor, seeing the markings of where the nursery would be. "Look what you did for her. You need to go back, ask your wife to forgive you and let her maybe apologize to you. You need both of them."

"Ma, I-"

"You're acting like a little boy whose friend broke their toy, Derek and, you need to grow up," she said with a stern tone.

"I did the trial for her!" he exclaimed. "Ma, I love her so much. I did this whole trial for her! She could have it. She could have Alzheimer's. She could have it and now, I can't do anything about it. I did this for her. And she was in the wrong. She messed it all up. I know she did it for Richard and Adele but she didn't even think. The family who was supposed to receive the treatment was so furious. Though she helped Adele, she ruined their lives. The guy had kids." Carolyn let a small smile creep on to her lips at how much her son cared for his patients, it was one of the things that made him such an excellent person and doctor.

"But, she didn't consider anything else. How it could affect the trial, how her career could be ruined. And, she didn't even think of me." A small sob escaped his lips. "We're married. I...it feels like she doesn't even care about my feelings at all. I've been patient with her, I put up with her best friend sleeping in our bed. And she couldn't even think about how this could affect me at all."

"Derek, I know you're angry and hurt," she said. "But your family needs you and you need to step up, and apologize to your wife for saying she'd be an awful mother. It's been killing her. She has no confidence in what she's doing and I think she could really use the help. "

"I can't right now, Ma," he sighed, his body falling back heavily on to the wooden frame of the house. "What she did hurt me. It hurt a lot. I'm not ready."

Carolyn laid a motherly hand on his thigh, giving it a tight squeeze. "I know, dear."

"And she's not sorry at all. She said she'd do it again if she had the chance." At a loss for words, she rubbed her son's thigh comfortingly as he stared into the sunny sky.

"Okay," she sighed. "Three days. Get drunk, hit things, yell, I don't care. Just get it out of your system. I'll take care of Meredith and Zola, don't worry about that. You just worry about forgiveness or at least getting to a point where you can go home."

"I know she's a good mother," he sighed sadly. "I wouldn't want a baby with anyone else."

"I know Derek. It's been obvious since I first saw you with her. Like I said before, she's _the one_. You two are a great time. So you need to go, apologize and just talk it out. Derek, she's your wife. She might have something more to say too." He nodded. "I'm staying in the house so, if I don't see you there in three days time, I will come back here and drag you there myself," she said seriously. He nodded again and watched as his mother disappeared slowly as she walked down the hill.

XXX

"Don't worry. She's fine. I didn't kill her," said Meredith noticing Derek standing in the doorway of their bedroom. He was dressed in an old fleece and tired jeans. Stubble lined his cheeks and chin thickly and his hair wasn't groomed and hung loosely around his face. There was a hint of gray in the front. She hid a relived smile at seeing him, letting her anger at his abandonment take over. "I managed to keep her alive, I know you must have been terrified seeing as you think I'd be such a bad mother."

He sighed sadly. "Mer I-"

"She's out with your mother," interrupted Meredith, "who said she was perfect."

"Mer, please. Let me-"

"No."

"Just listen to me," he pleaded. Meredith turned away from him but Derek grabbed her arm, albeit violently, turning her towards him. She ripped her arm away from him, his anger suddenly beginning to scare her. Quickly she walked to the other side of the bed, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Meredith, you're not the only one who is mad but I'm trying to start fixing this," he snapped. Meredith turned towards him, eyeing him angrily. "I'm sorry I questioned your mothering skills. It was stupid and awful. I have no doubt you'll be a wonderful mother and there's no one I'd rather raise a child with.

"And I'm sorry I abandoned you when you needed me. I've just been…Meredith, I did the whole trial for you… and your mother, and all the millions who suffer from Alzheimer's. But, I wanted to have a cure if you were ever to get Alzheimer's. I can't live without you. And you…I know why you did it. I still don't think it's right," he said. "I'm still incredibly angry with you. And I'm hurt. Meredith, you didn't think of me at all! You didn't think of my career or us. You just went ahead and did this." Derek's eyes started to well as he cast his eyes to the side. "Does our relationship mean nothing to you?"

"It means everything," she said softly.

"Obviously not."

"Derek, I did this to save Adele's life," she cried, throwing her hands in the air. "Richard's wife; your _friend_'s wife."

"I know," Derek snapped. "You're a real Mother Theresa," he added sarcastically. "But you also ruined a family's life. You ruined my trial, you ruined your career!"

"I'm sorry I tried to save someone!" she yelled.

"No. You don't get to pull that. The trial was saving people. Those who were eligible."

"One point, Derek!"

"Still didn't make her eligible. The man, the one you took the drugs from, he was eligible."

"I messed up, okay!" shouted Meredith, giving up. Her face was wet with tears she didn't notice falling. "I didn't think it through, I'm a terrible person end of story."

Derek sighed, seeing his wife's eyes red and cheeks wet. "You're not terrible, Meredith," he told her sadly. "It's just… who you are. I may not like it sometimes but you're such a compassionate person. I mean, look how many strays we live with." He let out a dry laugh.

"I'm sorry, Derek," she cried softly. Not wanting to say it was okay, because it wasn't, he nodded, accepting her apology.

"And I'm sorry again that I said you'd be a bad mother."

"I deserved it."

"No, you didn't. Meredith, you managed to take care of Zola when you were all alone. That's not a bad mother."

She nodded, not having the strength to say more. "Can I come home?" he asked.

"Mmh," she sounded affirmatively.

"I…I might stay on the couch for a few more days but, I'd like to be here for you and Zola."

"Okay," whispered Meredith. As he opened his arms to hug her she walked towards him, meeting him in the middle of the room, and curled into his body. He smelled woodsy with a stench of alcohol and dew, the remnants of his normal soap and cologne barely noticeable. Despite the smell, she curled further into him, nuzzling her nose into the crook of his neck.

Even though they were still broken, they both knew it'd be okay.

__We were thinking we would never be apart  
>With your name tattooed across my heart<br>Oh, who would've thought it would end up like this__

_But everything we talked about is gone_  
><em>And the only chance we have of moving on<em>  
><em>Is trying to take it back before it all went wrong<em>

_Before the worst, before we met_  
><em>Before our hearts decided it's time to love again<em>  
><em>Before too late, before too long<em>  
><em>Let's try and take it back before it all went wrong<em>

XXX

**A/N: And there's my crap ending. It just had to end though. It's over 14 full pages on word.**

**So, I hope you liked it. It's just my attempt at fixing things. I started working on this the night of the finale… fail. **

**I hope Shonda doesn't completely fuck every thing up, which she will but I won't see it because I refuse to watch Crap Anatomy anymore.**


End file.
